Colder than a penguin's tocks

How cold was it the last few days? Colder than a penguin's buttocks, that's how cold it's been. It's been so cold that you could see your breath in this house. I don't know what happened really. BigKitty left to visit her sister cats and GranCat (without me, the cow), and a nice girl came over and gave me food. But then the house got cold! It was terrible. Now, granted, I have a fur coat and everything, but I like it to be a little above 40 degrees in my sleepy spots. Long story short, BigKitty showed up again today, and started cursing and growling. She went in the basement, poked at a disc on the wall and turned on the mini heat-box in next to the couch. I sat down in front of it. She started talking into the telephone; she talked again and again. We sat on the couch for a while, in front of the heat box. A man came. He was nice. He smelled like cats. He did some things. BigKitty laughed and the furnace came back on. You can tell it's on cause it makes a big click and then roars. Soon after, hot air started coming out of the vents. It was much better after that. I got extra food too. Awesome.

By the way, I didn't really know what a penguin was until today. I'd heard somebody say "colder than a..." something or other one time, and I figured out that this is what they must have said. Turns out a penguin is a kind of bird that lives in a cold part of the world and sits on ice all the time. Just goes to show that birds are as stupid as I think they are. I found all this out from the OED:

Penguin:
1. a. Any of numerous flightless diving seabirds constituting the family Spheniscidae, native to the oceans of the southern hemisphere, which have an upright stance on land, mainly black and white plumage, a long bill, and wings reduced to scaly flippers or paddles for swimming under water.

It doesn't say anything about whether you can eat them or not, but I bet you can.